


Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

by orphan_account



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6370171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jiyong is a flawless human specimen and Seunghyun is his patient (not ex) boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Video Messages

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry for this idk why i wrote this, someone stop me. maybe one day i'll be able to write something without it having porn in it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> i saw this prompt somewhere on tumblr but i can't for the life of me find it again so?? 
> 
> title from pink's song of the same name

“You deserve a little bit of fun tonight, Ji,” Youngbae walks into the bathroom, leaning on the doorframe. 

“God knows I fucking need it,” Jiyong mutters, running eyeliner on his waterline.

“You’ve been in such a foul mood for the past week, and I know it’s because of Seung-”

“Don’t say his name!” Jiyong cuts him off with a glare. “I’m over him, I am _so_ over him, like, I was barely even under him.”

Youngbae scoffs. “For the two months you were together, I’d say you were under him quite a bit.”

Jiyong just glares at him again through the mirror.

“Look, you know I’m on your side here man. He was completely out of line… not… calling you back… that one time…” Youngbae trails off unconvincingly. He clears his throat and tries again. “Such a dick move.”

“Shut up Youngbae. I know you think I overreacted but it’s the principle of the matter!” Jiyong stomps his foot to accentuate his point. “What kind of boyfriend doesn’t call his boyfriend back when he _knows_ every second Tuesday is phone sex night?”

“Um… a terrible boyfriend, I guess…”

“Damn straight. I deserve way better,” Jiyong huffs and glides his hands through his hair, preening.

Honestly, the nerve. Jiyong was nothing less than the most ardent, affectionate, attentive boyfriend in the whole fucking world and in return he expected nothing less from his partner. So to have Choi Seunghyun, the man who had chased him for a solid month, simply lose interest after catching the best prize one could possibly hope for (Jiyong), well, he just wouldn’t stand for it. Who wouldn’t want to have phone sex with Jiyong? Jiyong was a phone sex master! He was a master of sex in general! And if Choi Seunghyun couldn’t see that, then he deserved to miss out on all of Jiyong’s qualities.

“Are you ready to go?” Youngbae asks, checking his phone. “It’s already 10 and we said we’d meet Seungri to pick up drinks in 20 minutes.”

“Almost.”

Jiyong appraises himself once more. He looks _hot_. He’ll have no trouble finding a good lay tonight, which is entirely the plan. He is wearing his tightest leather trousers, which hugs his ass flawlessly, his wide scooped shirt, which showcases his collarbones perfectly, and just enough accessories to be eye-catching but not overwhelming. God he is _such_ a catch. Who else could look like this _and_ have an impeccable personality on top of it? Jiyong doesn’t know anyone else like that for sure. He smiles at himself in the mirror. No one would be able to resist him.

 

 

They could hear the music booming from the end of the street, and there are already drunken partygoers keeled over giggling in front of Daesung’s house. Jiyong doesn’t even bother knocking, just opens the front door with zeal, ignoring the people he narrowly avoids bowling over to head to the kitchen to start pouring drinks.

“Uh, Jiyong, are you sure we don’t have too much booze?” Youngbae eyes the 4 bottles a little nervously as Jiyong places them on the island in the kitchen.

“Nonsense Hyung, this is the perfect amount,” Seungri beams manically. “Tonight is gonna be fucking awesome. Did you hear Daesung invited Lee Chaerin? This will be enough to hopefully lower her standards. I have no idea why she refuses to go out with me.”

“Probably because she has a working brain, Seungri,” Jiyong says absentmindedly, grabbing the shot glasses from the cupboard.

Seungri pouts.

Daesung walks into the kitchen, sees them and smiles that megawatt smile in greeting. “You guys made it!”

“Jesus Daesung, do you even know how many people are here?” Youngbae asks incredulously.

“Hmm, can’t say I do. You know how word gets round, but hey, the more the merrier right?” Daesung laughs.

Jiyong can almost see Youngbae’s eye twitching with the chaos of it all, and he sighs. Trust Youngbae to care about unimportant things like the possibility of mass alcohol poisoning or destroyed property. He seriously needs to chill out.

Jiyong pours them all shots. He needs at least 3 drinks in him, and then he’s gonna hit the dance floor and find the hottest guy in here, seduce him with all his best moves (the come-hither-eyelash-flutter is always popular, as is the sultry-lip-biting, and the oops-I-didn’t-mean-to-touch-your-bicep-but-gosh-you’re-so-strong), then go have fantastic sex. He isn’t gonna think about his stupid, negligent ex at all.

Jiyong raises his shot glass and grins. “To a successful fucking night.”

 

 

Ouch. Fucking ouch. Sunlight is streaming into the room, making Jiyong’s already aching head throb more. Why the fuck didn’t he close his blinds? He always closes his blinds for this exact reason. Wait.

This isn’t his room. 

Where the fuck was h-

Oh. Daesung’s party. He’d probably just crashed there.

Jiyong slowly raised his head off the pillow, wincing at the patch of drool on the case. Gross. Shaking his head blearily, he presses the heel of his palm to his eyes, trying to soothe them from the harsh light. He can barely see anythi-

“Mmf.”

Jiyong turns his head so fast he almost gets whiplash. Hidden beneath the covers beside him is a lump. A distinctively human-shaped lump making indistinctively human noises. Jiyong smirks in satisfaction. He knew he’d get lucky. He registers for the first time that he’s completely naked, and shit he can’t really remember anything after the eighth shot but who cares, he’d gotten what he wanted. Jiyong always gets what he wants.

Sliding back under the covers, Jiyong curl a little closer to his bed partner, who’s back is facing him. He pulls down the covers a little to wrap an arm around their chest and presses a kiss to the back of their neck. 

“Good morni- OH MY FUCKING GOD.”

Jiyong hurtles out of bed, remembering just in time to grab the pillow to cover himself with.

This has got to be some kind of sick joke.

Choi Seunghyun sits up, scratching at his bed hair and blinking dazedly at Jiyong. God he looks so cute still.

Wait, no. Fuck.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” Jiyong shrieks.

“You mean… in my bed?” Seunghyun asks confusedly.

Jiyong looks around wildly and god fucking dammit he’s in Seunghyun’s room.

“No, no, no, no this has to be a mistake. We’re over! You are no longer welcome in my life thank you very much,” Jiyong brandishes the pillow menacingly towards Seunghyun before remembering that he is totally nude. He flushes bright red.

Seunghyun sighs. “Yeah, that’s what I thought too until you saw me at Daesung’s last night and shoved your tongue down my throat.”

Jiyong blanches. “I did what?!"

“I was literally just standing there and all of a sudden you were right up in my face, telling me that you’re too good for me and then you’re kissing me and pulling me into the bathroom and unbutton-”

“Shut up. No fucking way, I would never do that,” Jiyong interrupts, embarrassment flooding him when he thinks, _yeah, actually I would_.

Seunghyun just shrugs. “Who do you think gave me these?”

He points to his own clavicle and oh god, it’s littered with dark purple bruises, going right up to the pulse point. Jiyong gulps.

“Well. It, uh, it doesn’t mean anything! I don’t even have feelings for you anymore!” Jiyong sounds feeble, even to himself. He clears his throat.

Seunghyun stares pointedly at him. “You started crying while you gave me a handjob, saying you missed “my stupid face and my perfect cock”,” He flexes his fingers in air quotations.

“I don’t recall that at all,” Jiyong turns his nose up at him.

“Really? You don’t remember saying that I was the best boyfriend you’d ever had and you couldn’t believe you broke up with me over something so small?” Seunghyun raises an eyebrow.

“Phone sex isn’t small! It’s intimate and sensual and you fucking forgot about our date!” Jiyong conveniently ignores the first part of Seunghyun’s question.

“Jiyong, I tried to tell you I had to babysit my nephew that night, I can’t have phone sex around a baby, that’s so messed up,” Seunghyun groans.

Jiyong sniffs. “Whatever. I don’t have feelings for you, so it’s fine.”

Seunghyun just rumples his hair. “I guess you really don’t remember. I mean you were pretty drunk, but so was I…”

“Remember what,” says Jiyong sharply.

Seunghyun stares at him somewhat helplessly before reaching to his bedside table and picking up his phone. “You’re gonna flip out,” He mutters under his breath.

“What are you talking-” Jiyong starts, then stops at the image on the screen. It’s him. Kneeling between a pair of very familiar legs and smiling coyly at the camera. But it isn’t even a picture; a play button is on the middle of the image and Jiyong feels sick.

“You filmed me?!” Jiyong all but screams.

“Well, actually… _You_ did,” Seunghyun says, and presses play.

“ _Seunghyun, I want you to have something to remember me by_ ,” _Onscreen-Jiyong flutters his lashes at the camera and then bites his lip._ Oh god, he was putting the moves on the fucking camera.

“ _Uh, Jiyong, I don’t think this is such a good ide_ -” _Seunghyun’s voice off camera begins but is shushed by onscreen-Jiyong._

“ _I’ll give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had and no one else will even be able to touch you without you thinking of me_ ,” _Jiyong begins unbuttoning Seunghyun’s jeans with one hand and tugs them down._

_“Oh fuck,” Seunghyun’s voice is strained as Jiyong begins mouthing his cock through his underwear._

_“I’ve missed sucking you off so much, and wasn’t I always so good at it?” Jiyong sighs, pulling Seunghyun’s underwear down and licking a long stripe up his length._

_“Jiyong-” Seunghyun chokes out as Jiyong swallows down all he can fit in his mouth and moans around his cock._

The onscreen-Jiyong has one hand pumping the base of Seunghyun’s cock and the other is still holding the camera, angling carefully at his face. This is downright filthy. Not to mention fucking embarrassing.

“Jesus, turn it off right now Seunghyun!” Jiyong blushes a brilliant red as another obscene moan (his own, he recognises) rips through the phone’s speaker.

Seunghyun calmly stops the video, and tosses the phone aside. “You know you can come back into bed. I’m sure it’s gotta be pretty uncomfortable just standing there.”

Jiyong eyes him suspiciously for a moment before slowly sliding back in under the covers. 

“If it makes you feel better, it was a stellar blowjob,” Seunghyun assures him. “Even if you did end up passing out halfway through.”

Jiyong wants to melt off the face of the fucking planet.

“I hate you so much.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night.” Jiyong can hear the smugness in Seunghyun’s voice. Bastard.

“Fuck off. God where are my clothes? I need to get the fuck out of here and never leave my apartment ever again.”

“Ah come on Ji, don’t be like that. I miss you, I _know_ you miss me, why don’t you stay and we can talk this through,” Seunghyun cajoles him.

Jiyong hesitates. He has a reputation to maintain. He doesn’t know if he can ever live this – this being running back to an ex boyfriend and throwing himself at him pathetically – down, but goddamn if the offer doesn’t sound enticing.

“Fine. But you’re deleting the video, immediately.” Jiyong says snottily. It didn't even capture his best angles anyway.

Seunghyun just smiles. “Of course. I wont need something to remember you by if you’re right beside me anyway.”

Jiyong ignores the butterflies in his tummy in favour of pushing Seunghyun off the bed. 


	2. Gestures

Seunghyun is tired. He is so, so, so tired. And it’s not like the job hunting is helping to be honest. A degree in art history these days isn’t doesn’t open you up to a whole heap of job opportunity but hey, Seunghyun’s optimistic he’ll manage to work his way up to the top of the gallery scene in Seoul. But that isn’t even his main problem right now.

Jiyong. Cute Jiyong, sweet Jiyong, sexy Jiyong. He’s really all of these things and more, it’s just.

God. 

He’s so much _work_. And whilst Seunghyun has no doubt he’s worth it, he has so many qualities Seunghyun could want in a partner, but… he can be handful, to say the least. Just last week, Jiyong stumbled up to his apartment at 7 o clock in the night and had started banging on the door, whining _very_ loudly that they hadn’t fucked in 2 whole days and he wanted Seunghyun to try out his new vibrator on him.

Seunghyun’s mother had been over for dinner. The resulting conversation hadn’t been very comfortable or pleasant. 

Of course Jiyong isn’t all trouble. He’s kind (when he wants to be) and gentle (when he needs to be) and devilishly seductive (all the time). He’s an utter romantic who thinks all date nights should end in a bubble bath for two with scented oils and luxury shower gel. He’d bought Seunghyun an actual Armani suit when Seunghyun agreed to be his plus one to Jiyong’s cousin’s wedding, and wouldn’t hear of it when Seunghyun insisted he returned it, claiming he’d gotten it custom made after getting Seunghyun’s measurements in his sleep. He is ridiculous, but so generous and loving and just thinking about him makes Seunghyun smile.

Seunghyun sighs and starts the climb to his apartment. It’s been a long week. He’s gonna go straight in, have the quickest shower of his life and then sleep till Saturday afternoon. He manages to make it to his apartment without passing out on the stairs, unlocks his front doors and toes off his shoes.

_Home sweet home_ , he sighs to himself, padding softly towards his room. That shower can’t come quick enough. He turns the door knob to his room and-

“Surprise!” Jiyong exclaims, bounding forward from the side of his bed to smack a kiss on his cheek. 

 Seunghyun staggers back in shock, willing his heart to not jump right out of his chest. “Jiyong, what the fuck?!”

He takes in his room. The lights are off but it’s illuminated by candlelight, tens of candles all over every possible flat surface of his room, softly flickering and casting a hazy glow. His iPod dock has been taken over by Jiyong’s phone, where Chris Isaak is crooning ‘Wicked Games’. His bed has, oh god- there are actually rose petals on the bed. Literal rose petals sprinkled carefully to no doubt give a final flourish to this insanely clichéd romantic gesture. This is just so utterly Jiyong.

“Do you like it?” Jiyong beams brightly. “I wanted to create a romantic atmosphere, could you tell? Only half of these candles are vanilla scented, they were the only ones I had left so I had to make do with unscented tea lights, sorry about that by the way but I was in a rush to get since I knew you’d be home around this time and-” 

“Jiyong,” Seunghyun interrupts. “How did you even get it?”

“Oh, that,” Jiyong waves a hand dismissively. “I got your key when you were showering a few days ago and had it duplicated, so now I have my own copy!”

Seunghyun stares at him incredulously. “You’re serious?”

“Of course! Honestly Seunghyun I don’t know why you haven’t given me one earlier I mean I’m here all the time and after that whole fiasco with your mother, I do hope she’s stopped praying for me by the way, it just makes sense to-”

 “Jiyong you can’t just go around making duplicates of people’s keys without there permission,” Seunghyun tries to reason with him.

 “Of course I can’t make duplicates of _people’s_ keys, that’s why I made a duplicate of _your_ key silly,” Jiyong smiles at him patiently, like he’s an idiot.

Seunghyun’s gonna lose his mind.

“Jiyong that’s morally unethical! It’s practically breaking and entering!” 

“Of course it’s not, how can you break and enter into your own boyfriend’s apartment?” Jiyong scoffs at him.

“Well, probably by duplicating their keys while they’re in the shower,” Seunghyun points out. 

“Why are you acting like me and having your key is such a bad thing?” Jiyong says, looking morosely at Seunghyun. “I mean, I’ve set up this whole beautiful night for us to have, look, did you see the rose petals? It was going to be so romantic-”

“Your execution was just a little flawed Jiyong, that’s all, I mean I really appreciate the gesture-” Seunghyun tries. 

“Execution? Flawed? Are you kidding me? Look at this! Look at me! I’m a vision!” Jiyong interrupts, spinning around so Seunghyun can take in the baby pink silk robe he’s garbed in.

“Who’s robe is that?”

“Oh it’s Dami’s, I just borrowed it from her,” Jiyong says offhandedly. 

“Like you borrowed my key from me?” Seunghyun says under his breath, but Jiyong hears it and tenses up.

“What is your problem?! So I went behind your back and snuck into your apartment without you knowing, it was all for you!” Jiyong says loudly, going back to the bedside table to turn of the music.

Seunghyun curses internally. This is not how he had planned for his night to go at all.

“I know baby, I know, but the thing is-” Seunghyun begins, his mind rapidly trying to find the quickest way to diffuse the situation before Jiyong starts screaming.

“No, you listen here Choi Seunghyun. I do _so_ much for you, you don’t even know. You think I enjoy waxing my legs? You think it’s a good time? It’s _not_. It hurts like a fucking bitch but I endure it because I know you like my legs smooth. And that’s not the only thing I wax for you. And if you think leg hair hurts, just wait till they start on your-”

“Baby, listen, I do appreciate that! I do! You shouldn’t do it for me though, you should do it for you!” Seunghyun is drawing a blank on how to calm him down. Shit. 

“Well, fine, I mostly do it for myself, but it’s partly for you! And this! The rose petals and the candles and the mood music, you think I do this for fun? No! I do this because I want us to share a passionate evening together, but do I even get a “Thank you Jiyong, you’re the light of my life, what would I do without you?”? No! Of course I don’t. I get a lousy, “Jiyong, why are you breaking into my apartment”, and honestly I don’t know why I even bother, all this effort is completely wasted on you!” Jiyong starts of loudly, gradually getting louder and louder until he’s screaming.

Damn. Seunghyun was hoping to avoid the screaming.

“Look, I’m sorry I said anything Jiyong, I didn’t mean it, let’s just get back to-” Seunghyun takes a slow step towards him, raising a hand placating while Jiyong fumes, arms akimbo.

“No way in hell are you getting off that easy Choi,” Jiyong threatens, wagging a finger at him. “This is most certainly not over.” 

Seunghyun had just wanted to go to sleep. 

“I can’t believe you’d be so selfish, when will you ever find anyone who puts in half the effort I do, I wasn’t going to mention the phone sex thing but while we’re on the topic of _disappointment_ , I might as well.” 

The whole time Jiyong is talking, he is gesticulating wildly, pacing up and down beside the bed like a feral cat. Seunghyun can’t help but notice how erratic his movements are.

 “Um, Jiyong, I think you’re gonna knock over a cand-”

 “Quiet Seunghyun, let me finish. That was just the worst thing anyone has ever done to me, I thought I was never going to mend my heart after that, but then you come crawling back to me and I think to myself, “Jiyong, he might’ve changed!” and I somehow manage to convince myself that’s the case but alas, I find _nothing_ has changed at all-” 

“Jiyong, you’re really very close to the flame-”

“Because what should I have learnt by now? Men never change, you’re all completely incorrigible and I’ve resigned myself to that sad little fact of life-”

“Baby, you’re a man too, but seriously please stop waving your arms so violently next to all the candles, you’re going to set this place on-” 

“And isn’t life so sad for me, I have an unappreciative boyfriend, _again_ , I left a bottle of Moët in the freezer for later on but that is _definitely_ not happening tonight, _and_ I have too many unscented tea lights and not enough vanilla ones-”

 “Jiyong, LOOK OUT!”

 Seunghyun watches in despair as Jiyong’s hand finally knocks against one of the candles placed precariously on the side of the dressing table. It falls onto one of the pillows and, yep, his bed’s on fire.

 Brilliant.

 “SEUNGHYUN WHAT DO WE DO?” Jiyong screeches, hopping up and down and pointing at the fire like Seunghyun can’t see it.

 “Help me put it out!” Seunghyun looks around the room for a jug of water or something to quell it but there’s nothing in the nearby vicinity and Jiyong’s screams just get louder and more high pitched. 

“Call the police! Wait, the police won’t help, call the fire brigade! Fuck fuck fuck, we’re going to die!”

Seunghyun runs to the bathroom and wets a towel, almost skidding on the tiles in his haste to get back and smother the flames. He’s panting by the end of it and Jiyong is just standing there in complete shock. Seunghyun turns to him to scold him for being so careless but is bewildered to see tears well up in those pretty brown eyes.

“Jiyong? What’s wrong?” He rushes over and cups a cheek with one hand, thumbing at a stray tear, the other hand holding his waist. 

“I’m so sorry Seunghyun, I’ve- oh god I’ve completely ruined this haven’t I?” Jiyong sniffs. 

“Oh no baby, it’s fine, and look! No one was hurt! It’s just linen,” Seunghyun tries to reassure him whilst thinking wistfully of all the extra sleeping time he’s lost.   

“No Seunghyun, I’ve been such a brat, I almost burned down your flat! How can you even forgive me for that?!” Jiyong’s lower lip trembles.

“Well it probably has to do with the fact that I’m just a little bit in love with you,” Seunghyun smiles gently at him. Yeah, Jiyong’s a _lot_ of work but he’s just so damn cute and earnest. How can Seunghyun stay mad at that face?

Jiyong inhales softly. “Really?”

“Yes really, you little troublemaker.”

Jiyong simply _blooms_ at his admission. “I love you too,” He says breathily, before reaching up on tip toe to meet Seunghyun in a kiss that’s so _sweet_ until it’s not, until they’re both clutching each other tightly without an inch of space between them. 

Seunghyun’s the first to pull away. “How about a bubble bath then? Maybe we should stay away from any kind of flame for a while.”

Jiyong gives a watery little giggle, batting at Seunghyun’s shoulder and blushing sheepishly down at his toes. Yep, Seunghyun’s not going to be getting any sleep tonight, but he’s strangely okay with it now. 

Jiyong looks back up at him eagerly. “Can we use the lavender oil I bought yesterday? I bought that over too, just in case. Oh and I just picked up this incredible new body wash from The Body Shop, it’s called ‘Indian Night Jasmine’ it smells so good. On second thought I don’t know how those two would smell if we use both of them together-”

Seunghyun shuts him up with another kiss. “Whatever you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is supposed to be crack but I couldn’t help but end this bit disgustingly fluffily whoops


End file.
